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Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts

Monday, April 27, 2009

Thank You for Being A Friend

As a child, I was left alone a lot. More than the average child and far younger than the average child. But that's another post, another time.

I'm telling you this for a reason. When I was little, and alone, I turned to The Golden Girls for comfort. Yes, it's true Bea and the bunch got me through many a boogeyman filled night. If I was scared, I used the maternal foursome as a crutch. Just focus on the show and all the spooky nighttime sounds faded away. Lucky for me, there were a lot of Golden Girl marathons on Lifetime in those days.

Thus, upon hearing of Bea Arthur's death I was probably more affected than your average twenty something. In honor of my friend Bea, here are some of my favorite quotes from those marathon nights.

Dorothy: You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying.

Rose: Well, I'm here if you want to pick my brain.
Dorothy: Rose, honey. Maybe we should leave it alone and let it heal.

Dorothy: [to Sophia] You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.

Dorothy: It's wonderful dating in Miami. Every single man under eighty sells cocaine.

Rose: I don't think lying is really a good idea. I once cut school and that proved very bad.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose. We've all cut school. It couldn't have been that bad.
Rose: Oh, yes it was. That was the day they taught EVERYTHING.
Dorothy: The final piece of the puzzle.

Blanche: I've been rejected once.
Dorothy: From who?
Blanche: Weight Watchers... for being too thin.





Saturday, April 18, 2009

An Open Letter to The Learning Channel

Dear TLC Executives,

I am writing to remind you of the meaning for your station acronym. TLC=The Learning Channel.

Every Saturday, I browse through your listings for the week because I used to enjoy your programs and I still hold a glimmer of hope that I will find something worth Tivo-ing. Alas, every week it's the same lineup.

John and Kate Plus Eight
John and Kate Plus Eight
John and Kate Plus Eight
Say Yes to the Dress
Say Yes to the Dress
John and Kate Plus Eight
Bringing Home Baby
Bringing Home Baby
Baby Story
John and Katie Plus Eight
Say Yes to the Dress
Bringing Home Baby

I don't care about Jon, Kate or their eight children. I don't find women searching for a wedding dress the least bit interesting and I have no interest in babies or their trips home.

If you are experiencing success with this mind-numbing schedule of mama's, their babies, and their minivans, then, by all means, do what makes you money. Don't worry about be, I've got Nat Geo.

But please, for the sake of humanity and all things intelligent, change your name to "TSMC" - The Soccer Mom Channel.

Your Former Viewer
Katherine Proctor