Help! I'm Stuck to the Kitchen Floor!

So I saw this at Walgreens :


And I thought - "oh cool, this will work perfect for my Pure Romance cue cards - I can look like a super cool artist rather than a Kindergartener with a glue stick"

I may have looked like a really cool graphic artist while spraying away and jamming out to the ipod, but I felt like a housewife when I was scrubbing my kitchen floors.

Ya, don't use this unless you have a studio, a garage or a tarp. I just spent over an hour drunkenly (did I mention the three glasses of wine associated with spray gluing and rocking out?) scrubbing the glue particles off the kitchen floor, the kitchen table, my ipod and the cat's paws. I could hear his sticky footsteps from the other room. Actually the clumpy tar and feather style cat hair clumps made cleaning up my mess that much more fun.

Moral of story: don't use spray glue unless you are qualified
Other moral of story: if your gonna be an unqualified spray gluer-don't drink and spray

Craigslist Humor

Sometimes I browse Craiglist when I am feeling blue. It cheers me up. That and "Rock of Love" - those bitches can raise anybody's self-esteem. This ad is double cool because it's funny and it involves cats.

Ferocious Attack Kitten

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Date: 2008-06-02, 7:10PM CDT


Ferocious attack kitten is available for adoption to any home willing to accept him.

This destructive kitty has been trained as a proud warrior and will fiercely defend your house, even against you. Well-trained since 10-weeks of age to attack anything in his presence, he will protect your family from evil things, including the following:

* insects

* other trained attack kittens

* babies

* toilet paper

* anything under a blanket

* unwanted house guests
* paper bags

* floor rugs

* Chuck Norris

* Feet.

Great with children (assuming you don’t like the children). Probably best used for professional catfighting. He is housebroken, but only because he wants to be. This attack cat has trained himself to seek out his food anywhere you hide it and rip the bag open to feed himself, great for those who travel extensively. Also trained to drink water out of toilet bowls and dishwater from items in the sink. Knows how to open some doors. He will find you wherever you hide.

Neutered (trust me, you wont want to him to procreate). Has not been declawed, but you'll figure that out really fast.

Understands and responds to a variety of vulgar and profane verbal commands. Has a very soft and furry belly, like a teddy bear - however he will bite your face if you try to touch it.

Willing to accept trades. Potential adopters must have experience with trained attack-kittens... please be prepared to show scars.

For the love of God, someone please take this thing out of my house.