I spy with my little eye...

From my spot on the couch, I can glance around the room and find five vignettes that make me want to inflict harm on the man that I live with. I love him, so not anything that would leave a mark-just a swift kick to the shin or a nipple twister would suffice.

Exhibit A - Those are socks. On the coffee table. The man won't put his book on the top of the toilet tank because he is afraid of poo germs, but it's okay to put your SOCKS on the coffee table.
Exhibit B: Count 'em. One, two, three pairs of shoes under the coffee table. When I try to put them away he tells me he needs to wear them tomorrow. Really? Three pairs?


Exhibit C - Unworn Adidas sandals. Why is that an irritant, one asks. Well, that's the third pair I've bought. The third pair that aren't right. The nubbies on the inner soles pinch his feet. Three pairs, three styles of nubbies, three failures.


Exhibit D - That's a strange place for a hat rack. That's because it's not a hat rack. It's a sconce light. Just since we've been chatting a third one has made it's way to the pile.

Exhibit E(final exhibit)- Well, that's just a harmless guitar. He doesn't play guitar. He bought strings for his new musical instrument and set it in the corner. That was six days ago. I have no idea where it came from.


Oh Al, I love you.

Help! I'm Stuck to the Kitchen Floor!

So I saw this at Walgreens :


And I thought - "oh cool, this will work perfect for my Pure Romance cue cards - I can look like a super cool artist rather than a Kindergartener with a glue stick"

I may have looked like a really cool graphic artist while spraying away and jamming out to the ipod, but I felt like a housewife when I was scrubbing my kitchen floors.

Ya, don't use this unless you have a studio, a garage or a tarp. I just spent over an hour drunkenly (did I mention the three glasses of wine associated with spray gluing and rocking out?) scrubbing the glue particles off the kitchen floor, the kitchen table, my ipod and the cat's paws. I could hear his sticky footsteps from the other room. Actually the clumpy tar and feather style cat hair clumps made cleaning up my mess that much more fun.

Moral of story: don't use spray glue unless you are qualified
Other moral of story: if your gonna be an unqualified spray gluer-don't drink and spray

If you are planning to have a garage sale, please follow these 10 simple rules

1. You must advertise with more than one sign. After the first turn, I still need to know where to go. The Gods of broken vacuum cleaners and baby clothes will not magically bring me to your door.
2. If you pack up early, you must take your signs down. Otherwise, I will knock on your door and ask to buy things inside your house.
3. If your ad says you open at 8:00 am, you must have all of your things out and priced at 8:00 am. If you are still bringing things out when I pull up I will take all your signs down because, clearly, you are not organized enough to have a garage sale.
4. If you have only junk, please call Goodwill. No one wants to buy mismatched shoes, skanky stuffed animals or Christmas decorations from 1973.
5. If you believe your things are priceless, do not have a garage sale. No one will pay $10 for a sconce I can purchase at T.J. Max for $12. For $2 more, I'll buy it new, thanks. You will be dragging all of your priceless treasures back inside the house at the end of the day.
6. If you don't put a price tag on something, very few people will ask you the cost because it's a garage sale, not an auction. If you can't decide on a price, take it back inside. If, for some reason, I do ask the cost, do not respond with "What's it worth to you?" because I will tell you 5 cents.
7. You must have a FULL garage or yard worth of items. If you do not have at least this much, put it in the basement and add to the pile until you have enough for a decent showing. If you have less than this and decide to have a sale anyway. I will stand at the bottom of your driveway and direct traffic away from your house.
8. Do not stare at your customers, no one is going to steal your collection of coffee mugs.
9. Do not harass your customers. We can decide on our own what is "a must have" or "a great deal." If you talk to me about an item I am looking at, I will promptly put it down and leave your garage.
10. If your garage smells like cat pee, mold, poop or old people, do not have a sale.

The Weedy Line Up

A little help?

I'm not very good at things that us lady folk are supposed to be good at. Cooking, sewing, cleaning...things of this nature. Gardening also falls into this hellish, domestic mash up as well. Alas, I own a home so I figure I should plant some shit out front. It's a beautiful day in the Lou so I got down in the itchy grass to weed the flower beds. Problem is - I don't know what the eff is a weed and what's a thing I'm supposed to keep.


I was hoping (bats eyelashes) that you could help me identify these weedy suspects. Keep or pull?